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For people who thought politics can't be exciting, they haven't encountered what's coming to be known as "The Obama Dip." As the stock market tanks, Baby Boomers sit on the edge of their seats, wondering what negativity the president will inject into the national conversation each day. "This is a continuing disaster for America's working families. The recession is deepening, and the urgency of our economic crisis is growing." "He promised us change," said an anonymous source. "And this is just that - sitting presidents don't talk down their own economy, but he's fearless about fear. It's kind of like a thrill, like a roller coaster. What a ride this four years will be!" |
Can I get off? I'm think I'm gonna be sick...
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To help make up for the lack of military experience President Obama has, Defense Secretary Robert Gates has engaged the President in a series of introductory war games to help determine which weapons programs the Obama administration might cut. "You know, contrary to Vice-President Biden's opinion, I've discovered that Asia really can attack North America. Kind of tricky, that Kamchatka," said the President. "Joe argued that the two territories don't touch, but it's right there in the rules. We'll need to consider that in our deliberations." Secretary Gates suggested that it might take a while for the President to grasp the geo-political ramifications of weapons systems deployment. "But we're making progress. He's just never had to think through these things before." |
Hint: protect North America. It will help you win the game.
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While it's been unclear for a while exactly what the Obama action figure doll would do, the mystery has been solved and we now know... public speaking! Scientists have long been skeptical, but have finally clocked his mouth and learned that it's true - President Barack Obama talks at such a rate and strength that he actually burns, on average, 1,100 calories an hour. Given that he talks non-stop for nearly 16 hours per day, it's no wonder that he has maintained his manly physique. When stretching the truth, his motorized mojo cranks up to 1,400 calories per hour, and when telling outright lies, almost 2,500 calories in just sixty minutes. Scientists, in awe of this incredible talent, watched with jaws agape as Obama expended over 5,000 calories giving the evening speech that the nation watched on February 24. |
It must be so high because he talks out his butt and both sides of his mouth at the same time...
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Obama = Free Government Money! |
This image came from Google. I just typed in "obama" and this is my result - free money! Google says so! Washington is an endless Pez dispenser of cash these days. Central planning rocks! |
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Coming fresh off the successful acquisition of a trillion dollars from future generations of Americans, Barack Obama has set his sights on acquiring a bazillion dollars from future generations of Americans to help boost his international popularity. Obama has signaled his willingness to consider a "Global New Deal," as proposed by England's Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Gordon Brown hopes to forge a partnership with President Barack Obama in Washington this week, to call for a 'global new deal' to lift the world out of recession.
The prime minister will borrow from the rhetoric of Franklin Roosevelt, who introduced the government-financed New Deal to tackle the US Depression of the 1930s. He will argue that his 21st century 'global new deal' will also require public spending on a huge world-wide scale. Children in grade schools nationwide remain oblivious to the coming burden on their future incomes.Jennifer, a second-grader from Decatur, Alabama, is working on regrouping in 2-digit addition, and says she likes the president. "I think Malia and Sasha are nice." Asked if she understands the impact that Obama's plans will have on her income taxes, she replied, "Taxes? My daddy travels to Dallas sometimes for his job, but I can't go with him." |
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In another instance where we see that he is open-minded, Obama has decided to accept public financing for his next campaign. In his newly christened "Share the Wealth" campaign theme, Obama plans to accept money through the IRS and distribute that money to people who don't pay taxes. The amount collected - per taxpayer - is over $25,000 each. "This is a real vindication for John McCain," said an anonymous source. "He took public financing in the election, and Obama didn't, and to have Obama change his mind and use public taxpayer money to attract people to vote for him shows that McCain was right and that Obama is not afraid to admit he was wrong." What's unclear yet is whether any person in Obama's administration will pay taxes to contribute to the re-election effort. Stay tuned... |
And you thought you might retire someday...
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In his speech, Obama promised universal college education: That is why it will be the goal of this administration to ensure that every child has access to a complete and competitive education - from the day they are born to the day they begin a career. And universal health care:...we must have quality, affordable health care for every American. President Obama is even offering special financing right now for all of these initiatives.
Don't miss out - get yours today! |
May cause future bankruptcies...
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